Spilling Over (post 505)
by tvstatic
Summary: Just a one shot about how the old Bellamy with actual emotions might finally break free, and how he might learn Clarke called him everyday. Super curious to hear other thoughts on how it might go down!


[This is my attempt at what could happen when we _finally_ see some actual Bellamy emotion... a one shot]

SpaceKru minus Raven, Madi and Clarke were huddled around a fire, a calm before the storm that was brewing between Elgius and Wonkru. Madi had spent the night excitedly chatting, telling Spacekru about all of their adventures.

"Alright Madi, we should go to bed."

"...but Clarke, I was going to tell them about the time we found the three headed deer!"

"I know, but I'm tired. It's been a long week."

"I'll only stay up for another half hour. Harper will make sure I go to bed!"

Clarke glanced at Harper, and Harper nodded reassuringly. "Ok, if you insist. Just don't forget to tell them about how you screamed when you saw it..."

Madi looked embarrassed, and back down at the fire, and Murphy smirked. "Brave little princess."

Madi's eyes darted up, acknowledging the nickname - "well, better than your adventures eating algae and staring at the moon"

Murphy half laughed - he enjoyed this kid's spunk.

Clarke walked off, her heart heavy. She was so happy to be back with her friends, but everything felt like it had changed. She was grateful Bellamy had changed, seen such a mature change in him he was barely recognizable... and she felt that loss acutely. Seeing him with Echo wasn't exactly a shock, as she suspected things had changed up there... but she had hoped. She had hoped that they hadn't, that they would come down and things would be exactly how they had been left. Clarke knew that she had changed too, with Madi in her life... although her and Bellamy had fallen exactly back into step as a team they were not what they once were as friends. Just dealing with all the people exhausted her after being with just Madi for so long, and watching Bellamy and Echo sit close to each other at the fire made it worse. She settled into her and Madi's tent and passed out almost immediately.

Back at the fire, Madi was finishing the story of the three headed deer. "Clarke was laughing so hard about it for the next few days, she kept telling you to remind Monty about the two headed deer and how naive you all were, hahahaha" Madi bent over laughing.

Murphy smirked - "Yeah, you had soooo many wild adventures down here without us."

Monty interrupted - "What do you mean, remind me?"

"Oh, you know, the first time you saw the two headed deer..."

"I know Madi, but how could somebody remind me of that?"

"Well, you know how Clarke called Bellamy every day? She was telling him on the radio."

With that, Bellamy's eyes who had been watching Madi, sharpened. "What?"

"Yeah, the radio. Clarke told me you never heard the messages, which is why all these stories are new to you. And I guess... why you thought Clarke was dead. Sort of like the time Clarke said you didn't know what happened with the Ark and the dropship!"

Harper stepped in. "Clarke tried calling us on the radio?"

"Well, kind of. She mostly just talked to Bellamy and told him all these stories, assuming he would pass the messages along. That's how I found Clarke! Just sitting at a table in the village, chatting away on the radio. I wouldn't have found her if she hadn't been so loud!" Madi laughed at the memory, not knowing the impact it was having around the group. Every face showed devastation, realizing how truly lonely Clarke had been, and how much she had missed Bellamy in particular. It was awkward, except Bellamy, whose face had turned to stone.

"Look, we should all turn in for the night. We need to try and contact Raven in the morning."

With a few pointed glances at each other, the group started standing up. Madi piped up while putting out the fire and commenting to Monty - "honestly, if I thought Murphy would be funnier, I thought Bellamy would have missed Clarke more than he did. Sounds like you missed her more than Bellamy!"

Echo looked at Bellamy, who clearly had overheard this, and his stony face flitted with emotion, for just a moment.

"I'm going to be the lookout for the first shift. Emori, I'll wake you up for the second shift if that works for you." Emori nodded but making eyes with Harper meaningfully. She doubted he would be waking her up for the second shift.

Bellamy sat on a rock near their camp, staring into the darkness slowly turning light from dawn. He hadn't slept, but he didn't feel he needed it. He slept more than his fair share in the past six years on the Ring. Well, the last few years anyways. The first years he remembered being plagued by nightmares about leaving Clarke behind, among other horrors the ground had brought. If not for his sister, he might not have wanted to go back because he worries the memories would haunt him and impact his decision making. He couldn't let that happen, not after Clarke had asked him to look after everybody. Turned out, memories didn't need to haunt them because here Clarke was, in the flesh, and he still couldn't deal with it. Hadn't dealt with it. He couldn't believe Clarke had called him every day... but he could. He remembered in the early days wanting to talk to her so badly, but believing she was gone. He had given up hope. The guilt was eating him alive every time he was in Clarke's vicinity. Finding out that she called him every day, never giving up hope, instilling in Madi the confidence that he would come back... it made it hard to maintain stoicism. He felt the cracks, he knew Echo saw them too.

Suddenly he heard a noise. Clarke was up, walking towards him. Nearing him, she took in the dawn light, and noted- "Were you second watch? Go get some rest, I'll look out until everybody is awake."

Bellamy nodded, getting to his feet, but not moving.

Clarke sat on the rock he vacated. When he didn't leave, she looked up. "What's wrong? Worried about your sister, or Raven?"

Bellamy just stared at her. Clarke could feel something wrong looking in his eyes. She knew it was about her, but didn't know what. She looked down at her hands.

"Madi said you called me every day." Bellamy stated it like a fact, showing no emotion.

Clarke's embarrassment rose but she pushed it away, but didn't look at him. "Oh, yeah. I know you didn't get them. I didn't know if you were when I was trying anyways."

"Why?"

"Why what? I missed all of you. I was alone for a long time here. I needed..."

Clarke felt her emotions rising, but wanted to steady herself. She had a much harder time doing that than Bellamy these days.

"... I needed to talk to somebody. It helped."

Bellamy looked at her, his eyes showing the cracks in his emotionless exterior. "Clarke... I..."

"Look, I don't need you to feel sorry Bellamy. It's not a big deal. I wasn't sure if you were alive, but it helped me to talk to you because I still had hope. I knew as long as I had that, I would be ok."

"I..." but Clarke interrupted again.

"I thought maybe Raven could get the radio going between us, but I think the problem was on my end anyways."

Bellamy opened his mouth to speak again, but was again interrupted. "At least this way all the stories are new and fun, I know Madi ..."

"STOP."

Clarke looked up, surprised, and opened her mouth to speak, before she was interrupted again. "Just stop. Do you know what it was like for be Clarke, thinking I left you behind to DIE? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD."

She looked off into the distance, listening this time.

"Every day, I was telling myself to use my head, use my head, that's what Clarke would want, Clarke who died for you. I..." his voice cracked. "I... am so sorry for leaving you behind. I..."

At the moment he seemed out of words, Clarke volunteered - "If you want forgiveness, you have it." She smiled at Bellamy. "I missed you."

Bellamy's face showed his grief when he finally said "I mourned you. Every day. And now that I'm home, I..."

Clarke waited for him to finish this time.

"I... you were just so important to me. You still are."

"You are important to me too Bellamy. To all of us. I know things have changed but... I still need you in my life. I've always needed you. Even when I didn't realize I did. I'm just glad you are home."

Bellamy looked at her, his face filled with emotion, smiled and said "Me too."


End file.
